Maldives

Maldives: Pros vs Cons

PRO: Easy access to a wide variety of sea creatures
CON: No access whatsoever to literally anything else
PRO: Lots of good places to swim
CON: Lots of good places to drown
PRO: High point of 7'7" above sea level, good confidence boost for novice mountaineers
CON: Having your entire town destroyed by an eight-foot swell
PRO: Warm climate
CON: Global warming
PRO: Beautiful vacation spot
CON: Get there soon, 'cause it'll be underwater within the next few months

The capital is Malé. It will soon be overrun by merpeople.

Malaysia

Malaysia is a country in southeast Asia consisting of Malaysian Borneo (located on the northern portion of, you guessed it, Borneo) and Peninsular Malaysia (which, when highlighted on a map, makes the Malay peninsula appear to be wearing a sock). Though east and west Malaysia are currently separated by the South China Sea, works are underway to connect the two with a really huge series of ziplines. Okay, so I just made that up, but it would be totally badass if it were true. Malaysia is considered to be a megadiverse country (probably not nearly as cool as it sounds) by whoever decides which countries are considered to be whatever that is. A former British colony, Malaysia gained its independence from those limey such-and-suches in 1957 and has since become something of an economic powerhouse in its own right, now possessing a top-notch infrastructure (despite its notorious dearth of ziplines) and even its own space program (Author's Note: Wow Malaysia, that's awesome! Maybe someday you could do something really momentous, like going to the moon or something! Hahaha, just kidding. Seriously though, you guys are adorable).

The capital, Kuala Lumpur, is home to the Petronas Towers, which used to be the tallest buildings in the world, but now they're not, so nobody cares anymore.

Malawi

Malawi (from a Latin term meaning "bad awi") is a landlocked country bordering Mozambique in southeastern Africa. Its residents lived their miserable lives in abject, hopeless savagery until 1859, when British explorer David Livingstone came from the north, bringing with him the shining light of European civilization. Thanks in part to the steadfastly ambivalent efforts of the British colonial service, what was once not a country at all has now gone on to be consistently ranked as one of the most fucked nations on the planet (you're welcome). Malawi has one of the highest population densities in the world, but its population is mainly rural, and the bulk of its economy is based on agriculture. Its chief products include tobacco, sugarcane, and HIV/AIDS (unfortunately, demand for the latter has steadily decreased over the course of recent decades, while supply hasn't waned significantly).

Here's Malawi. God is pointing an enormous sniper rifle at the capital, Lilongwe.

Madagascar

Madagascar is a nation located off the southeastern coast of Africa, on a turd-shaped island of the same name. Which came first, you ask, the country or the island? The island, of course. By like, millions of years. Stop trying to over-complicate things (Author's Note: You are a dick). Madagascar was first settled sometime after 200 A.D., by Austronesian sailors who canoed there from southeast Asia. You see, there wasn't any television in those days, and people had to make their own fun. The Austronesians were later followed by Muslim dynasties, Portuguese explorers and communist pirates (swear to gawd), among other things. Madagascar has an extremely diverse ecosystem, with 80% of its native plants and animals not found anywhere else. When I read that, I was picturing the island from King Kong, but so far my research hasn't uncovered any mention of dinosaurs. What a ripoff.

Tsingy de Bemaraha Nature Reserve, named for a Malagasy term meaning "rocks that are pointier than the average rock."

Macedonia

The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (so named as a result of a copyright dispute with neighboring Greece [for a brief time, FYR Macedonia was designated only by an unpronounceable symbol that looked kind of like a stick figure doing a jumping jack (no particular significance, they just thought it looked cool)]) is a nation in southern Europe that has a much harder time ignoring Serbia than most of us. Once a part of ancient Paeonia, which I've never heard of, Macedonia was later conquered by the Ottoman Empire, which sounds at least reasonably familiar to me. In 1910, Macedonia produced its most famous native of the 20th century: Mother Teresa, who was not, in fact, anybody's mother, but rather a nun of Albanian descent who was charitable as hell and probably smelled terrific. Following the dissolution of the Ottoman Empire, Macedonia became a part of Yugoslavia, but they'd probably rather I didn't talk about that period because it really didn't work out for anybody.

At 66 meters, the Millennium Cross in Skopje, Macedonia is the world's largest cross. If I were the world's largest heretic, I'd steer clear of Macedonia.

Luxembourg

Luxembourg is a very small country in western Europe, but I think it would also make a pretty good name for an ocean-dwelling supervillain from the DC Comics universe (as in: "Cower before Luxembourg, Lord of the Sea!"). Actually, Luxembourg is basically the exact opposite of what I just described, being completely landlocked and not at all accustomed to having things cower before it. Along with Belgium and the Netherlands, Luxembourg is a member of Benelux, which sounds like a medication whose commercials depict people kayaking and skipping through fields and such, but is actually a trade union/support group for the countries that are traditionally conquered first whenever there's a European land war. The head of state is a dude named Henri Albert Gabriel Félix Marie Guillaume. He's a Grand Duke, which sounds impressive but really isn't that tough of a job (although that might just be sour grapes on my part).

The capital city, also called Luxembourg, is similarly lacking in aquatic superpowers.