Mexico

Mexico is a North American nation, the Americas' fifth-largest by area and home to the world's largest Mexican-speaking population. Mexico has a long and rich history, with evidence of human presence dating back as far as 21,000 BC (or: 17,000 years before Jesus invented the universe). More recently, Mexico was home to great civilizations like the Aztecs, whose kings used to eat human hearts and draw blood from their scrotums in their spare time, and the Mayans, who are going to look really dumb if any of us are still alive in 2013. These cultures dominated modern-day Mexico until the arrival of Hernán Cortés, a Spaniard who was annoyed with the lack of opportunities to indiscriminately murder people in his homeland. During his conquest of the Aztecs, Cortés also succeeded in popularizing smallpox, which was all the rage in the 1520s. A more sustainable trend was Catholicism, which remains popular in Mexico to this day. This backfired in 1810, when an uppity priest named Miguel began an uprising for Mexican independence, to which the Spaniards replied "Okay, we'll leave in like ten years, but first we're gonna shoot you." And they did. The first Mexican Constitution was drafted in 1824, but that didn't last long before it was dissolved by Santa Anna, a rotten dude who also killed Davy Crockett. Mexico gave the whole constitution thing another go in 1917 and it seems to have at least sort of stuck this time around. This development (and NAFTA) notwithstanding, Mexico is currently a scary place, rife with tumult, uncertainty, and things similar to tumult and uncertainty, in which you're about as likely to be employed as you are to be beheaded and abandoned in the desert.

Mexico's primary resources include natural gas and good times for drunk white people.