San Marino

San Marino (also known as The Most Serene Republic of San Marino [Really, San Marino? "Most serene?" There's a claim to fame. (Sarcasm!!!)]) is one of the European microstates, which is a nice way of saying that it has a soccer team that has never, ever won. San Marino is located in the Apennine Mountains, totally surrounded by Italy like a Vatican City with no popes in it. San Marino is the oldest sovereign state currently in existence, probably because it's really not all that difficult to maintain sovereignty over a tennis court-sized area in a mountainous region. Congratulations, I guess. Originally founded in the fourth century as a haven for Christians who were sick of the Roman Empire calling them mean, but not very clever names like "Christhole" and "Jesus balls." The nation's capital is the city of San Marino, located in the shadow of the country's highest peak, Mount Titano (Italian for "Mount Tittaaaays").

San Marino is named after its founder, Saint Marinus, shown here building some sort of thing.

Libya

The Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya is a big ol' nation located in north Africa on the southern shore of the Mediterranean Sea. Its primary export is sand, of which it has hundreds of varieties, each of them sandier than the last (well, as long as you list them in order from least sandy to sandiest). Libya holds a place of prominence on any well-respected historian's list of things ruined by Italian people in the 20th century, having been colonized by those dudes right around the start of World War I. The Italians spread many aspects of their culture to Libya during the interwar years; in particular, dying in forced labor camps became a very popular pastime for local Bedouins during this period. Since 1969 Libya's government has been a Jamahiriya (a goofy made-up word for something like a socialist republic [not to be confused with Jamiroquai, a goofy made-up word for a '90s acid jazz group from London]) led by Muammar al-Gaddafi, a saggy old lady with a penchant for funny hats.

The Libyan flag is a green field with no distinguishing features, symbolizing the nation's proud tradition of creative bankruptcy.

Italy

Italy is a country in southern Europe that would probably be okay if not for the fact that it is almost completely full of Italians. The capital is Rome, center of an ancient civilization that, at one point, stretched all the way into the British isles (mainly just so Roman officers would have a place to send soldiers they really didn't like). The ancient Romans basically invented stealing ideas from other cultures, making them lamer and then taking credit for them; in many ways, Roman mythology can be seen as an ancient precursor to Taco Bell. Florence, Italy was home to the Renaissance, a cultural movement that spanned the 14th to 17th centuries and extended all across Europe, providing us with some sweet-ass paintings and a bunch of sculptures of naked dudes with terrific muscles and tiny penises. One of the most famous Renaissance artists was Leonardo Da Vinci, who was the first to conceptualize a helicopter and a bunch of other awesome scientific shit, but is best remembered for this stupid painting of a woman who's kind of smiling, but not really. Over the past century, Italy has made a number of innovations in doing a terrible job of running a country, providing the world with such great steps backward as fascism and Silvio Berlusconi.

Seriously guys, she's not even that hot.

Eritrea

Located in northwestern Africa along the coastline of the Red Sea, Eritrea is where all the water went when Moses and the Hebrews were leaving Egypt in the Old Testament. Bet you never thought about that, did you? Charlton Heston is making this big, dramatic escape while a bunch of Eritreans are getting their houses demolished in an inexplicable tidal wave. God is really kind of a dick when you think about it. The capital, Asmara, looks like nothing so much as mile after mile of giant overturned Kleenex boxes. In the 19th century, Eritrea was colonized by Italy. I think that's kind of sad.

Despite the embarrassment of Italian rule, Eritrea at least got a railroad out of the deal (Italy just got the self-esteem boost, and that wore off pretty fast).