Pakistan

Pakistan is a South Asian nation located in what is typically considered to be one of the best parts in the world to have a really sad life. Pakistan gained its independence in 1947 when the British Empire finally gave up on its crazy dream of having just one of its occupations end without countless years of ethnic violence (well, nobody's perfect). Today, Pakistan has the second-largest Muslim population in the world and is the only Muslim majority nation with a nuclear arsenal, which the United States has allowed the Pakistani military to have as long as they at least sort of pretend not to be harboring or selling weapons to members of the Taliban. As the saying goes, "The enemy of my enemy is my so-and-so." Pakistan shares a long and porous border with war-torn Afghanistan, but can always threaten to blast India off the map if its people need quick and easy access to a war zone on the other side of the country. The national motto is "Unity, Discipline, Faith," which won out narrowly over "We haven't ended the world yet, and that's probably a good sign." Pakistan's capital is Islamabad, its largest city is Karachi and its chief export is paranoia.

I don't remember this guy's name, but he may or may not live in Pakistan now.

Nepal

Nepal is a country located in south Asia between China and India, forming the middle of a sandwich with way too much bread and not nearly enough meat. Despite being the original birthplace of the Buddha (the guy Keanu Reeves played in this stupid movie), Nepal shows a disturbing lack of local pride by being a majority Hindu country. Because of its geographical position high in the Himalayas, much of Nepal is too cold for me to be interested in ever going there (Author's Note: Plus, instead of English, they speak something stupid called Nepalese). Nepal is home to many of the world's highest mountains, including Mount Everest, the world's highest peak and one of the best places for a white person to die a pointless, but manly death. The capital is Kathmandu and the national motto is "Mother and Motherland Are Greater Than Heaven" or, to save time, "Mother and Motherland > Heaven." That's a math joke, you guys!

Nepal is the only country in the world that only has half of a flag. If they think it looks cool, they are incorrect.

India

India (or Native America) is a country in south Asia which contains more than a billion people (around 236 Wisconsins, if you're the sort of person who measures population in Wisconsins), making it the second-largest country in the world behind China. If you've lost your job recently, you can probably find it in India, where someone else is now doing it for an annual salary of eight dollars and a cheese sandwich. The most popular sport in India is cricket, a game of English origin which is kind of like a cross between baseball and a bunch of guys waiting for the bus.

Some of the things you can do while in India are things that I would not typically recommend.