Macedonia

The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (so named as a result of a copyright dispute with neighboring Greece [for a brief time, FYR Macedonia was designated only by an unpronounceable symbol that looked kind of like a stick figure doing a jumping jack (no particular significance, they just thought it looked cool)]) is a nation in southern Europe that has a much harder time ignoring Serbia than most of us. Once a part of ancient Paeonia, which I've never heard of, Macedonia was later conquered by the Ottoman Empire, which sounds at least reasonably familiar to me. In 1910, Macedonia produced its most famous native of the 20th century: Mother Teresa, who was not, in fact, anybody's mother, but rather a nun of Albanian descent who was charitable as hell and probably smelled terrific. Following the dissolution of the Ottoman Empire, Macedonia became a part of Yugoslavia, but they'd probably rather I didn't talk about that period because it really didn't work out for anybody.

At 66 meters, the Millennium Cross in Skopje, Macedonia is the world's largest cross. If I were the world's largest heretic, I'd steer clear of Macedonia.

Luxembourg

Luxembourg is a very small country in western Europe, but I think it would also make a pretty good name for an ocean-dwelling supervillain from the DC Comics universe (as in: "Cower before Luxembourg, Lord of the Sea!"). Actually, Luxembourg is basically the exact opposite of what I just described, being completely landlocked and not at all accustomed to having things cower before it. Along with Belgium and the Netherlands, Luxembourg is a member of Benelux, which sounds like a medication whose commercials depict people kayaking and skipping through fields and such, but is actually a trade union/support group for the countries that are traditionally conquered first whenever there's a European land war. The head of state is a dude named Henri Albert Gabriel Félix Marie Guillaume. He's a Grand Duke, which sounds impressive but really isn't that tough of a job (although that might just be sour grapes on my part).

The capital city, also called Luxembourg, is similarly lacking in aquatic superpowers.

Lithuania

What can I say about Lithuania that hasn't already been said? A lot, probably, because I very rarely hear anyone talk about Lithuania. Located in northern Europe, Lithuania is the southernmost of the three Baltic states (characterized by many as "the sensitive one" [Author's Note: I've been told that Estonia is "the funny one," but I guess everything's relative.]). In 1990, Lithuania became the first Soviet state to gain independence. The Soviets, apparently having nothing better to do, responded with an economic blockade, then killed 14 civilians in an ill-fated attempt to destroy Lithuanian television (or something). The Lithuanian capital, Vilnius, was named European Capital of Culture for 2009. Paris, eat your heart out.

Vytautas the Great, a medieval king of Lithuania, looks awfully smug here for someone who's been dead for 600 years.

Liechtenstein

Liechtenstein, located in the Swiss Alps of western Europe, is either a hilariously tiny nation or a really enormous studio apartment, depending on how you look at it. I think that's one of those glass-half-full/glass-half-empty things. The official demonym for residents of Liechtenstein is Liechtensteiner, but I wouldn't worry too much about remembering that because there are only about 35,000 of them, and even if you do eventually happen to meet one, you can get some pretty hilarious reactions out of them by continually referring to them as Germans, regardless of how many times they correct you. Like neighboring Switzerland, Liechtenstein remained officially neutral during World War II. This came as a huge relief to the Nazis, who were ill-equipped to fight an alpine war against an imaginary army. Today, Liechtenstein has the highest GDP per person in the world, and an unemployment rate of, well, apparently there are only 209 unemployed people in all of Liechtenstein. Imagine being one of the 209 unemployed people in your entire country. That's gotta be depressing.

Vaduz Castle, where the Prince of Liechtenstein probably makes all kinds of super-important decisions.

Libya

The Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya is a big ol' nation located in north Africa on the southern shore of the Mediterranean Sea. Its primary export is sand, of which it has hundreds of varieties, each of them sandier than the last (well, as long as you list them in order from least sandy to sandiest). Libya holds a place of prominence on any well-respected historian's list of things ruined by Italian people in the 20th century, having been colonized by those dudes right around the start of World War I. The Italians spread many aspects of their culture to Libya during the interwar years; in particular, dying in forced labor camps became a very popular pastime for local Bedouins during this period. Since 1969 Libya's government has been a Jamahiriya (a goofy made-up word for something like a socialist republic [not to be confused with Jamiroquai, a goofy made-up word for a '90s acid jazz group from London]) led by Muammar al-Gaddafi, a saggy old lady with a penchant for funny hats.

The Libyan flag is a green field with no distinguishing features, symbolizing the nation's proud tradition of creative bankruptcy.

Liberia

Liberia is a small African country that is unique among west African nations for having never had a bunch of Eurotrash show up and start telling it what to do. Now I know what you're thinking: "But what about Ghana?" Nope. Ghana was colonized by the British, remember? Idiot. Now you're probably thinking "Okay, but what about Cameroon?" Uh, no, they were colonized by the French. Just shut up, okay? Thanks. Liberia was originally founded in 1821 by the American Colonial Society, a group of folks who thought that black people might not want to be slaves anymore, but also didn't want them moving into their neighborhoods and driving down the property values. With that in mind, former slaves were sent to live in Liberia, and everyone was happy, except for the west African natives already living there, who were like "Who the hell are all these people?" Liberia has retained numerous cultural ties to the United States, as evidenced by their flag, which is just barely original enough to prevent Betsy Ross's heirs from suing their asses into the ground.

In 1980, Samuel Doe and his enormous eyeglasses led a successful military coup and proceeded to act like a total dick for the next ten years or so. In 1990, he was tortured and executed by the leader of a rival faction. This experience taught him an important lesson.

Lesotho

Lesotho is a nation of some two million citizens surrounded on all sides by South Africa. It is the southernmost landlocked country in the world, and presumably there's someone out there who thinks that's an interesting fact. (Author's Note: Not me though. I couldn't possibly care less.) Lesotho's national languages are English and Sesotho, and its name is Sesotho for "Land of the people who speak Sesotho." There's probably a joke to be made about how that's not a very original name, but it's pretty hot out today and I really can't be bothered. Despite being one of the most impoverished and AIDS-ridden nations on the planet, Lesotho's constitutional monarchy is pretty decent in terms of civil liberties, allowing for freedoms of speech and the press, or as it's written in the Mosotho constitution: "Say what you want. You still gotta live here."

The capital is Maseru, a city that none of you have ever heard of before. I swear it's real though. Seriously. Look it up.