Kazakhstan

Kazakhstan is a central Asian country that used to be a part of the Soviet Union and is secretly disappointed that it isn't anymore ("At least then we got a little goddamn respect," said one observer, who may or may not have actually had anything to do with Kazakhstan). They'll never actually admit, but Russia actually feels more or less the same way - since Kazakhstan declared independence in late 1991, the Kremlin has had a lot of/some/possibly no trouble figuring out where would be a good place to explode nuclear weapons for fun. In 1961, Kazakhstan was the site of the first manned space launch in history, when cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin discovered that space is "very dark and cold as fuck." Bet you thought this entry was just going to be a bunch of Borat jokes, didn't you? Well, that's because you're an asshole.

Yuri "Seriously Dogg, I Should've Brought a Sweater or Something" Gagarin