Mozambique

Mozambique is a southeastern African country which first gained marginal historical relevance in 1498, when a white person named Vasco da Gama (a Portuguese name translating approximately to "Beardy McBeardface") first hit the Indian Ocean. Thus began 400-some-odd years of benevolent Portuguese rule under the catchy slogan "Take yer gold out of the ground and put it in our boats for us. Please?" This lasted until the 1960s when, as usual, communism ruined a sweet deal for everyone. In 1964, the Front for the Liberation of So on and So Forth (or FRELETCETERA) started a guerrilla war against the Portuguese occupation, leading to Mozambique's independence in 1975. This led to the start of the Mozambican Civil War in 1977, when shooting each other started to become really fashionable. This fad, which appeared at first to be unsustainable, surprised everybody by lasting all the way until 1992. Things have gotten a lot better since then, although Mozambican hipsters have recently started massacring each other ironically.

Beardy McBeardface