Nicaragua

Nicaragua is the largest country in Central America and the largest country in the world whose name ends with -aragua. Nicaragua is unique for a number of reasons, foremost of which is the fact that, unlike any other nation, its surface is composed entirely of volcanoes and coffee beans. First colonized in the 1500s when the Spanish Empire wasn't showing a great deal of restraint or discretion, Nicaragua became an area of increased international interest in the 19th century, when European traders wanted to get from the Atlantic to the Pacific but were too lazy to sail around the tip of South America or invent the airplane. In 1856, Nicaragua was conquered by William Walker, a filibuster(er?) from Tennessee who didn't stop being a total butthole to everybody until 1860, when he was executed in Honduras. Nicaragua still owes the Hondurans a solid for that one. The next American to butthole around in Nicaragua was Ronald Reagan, who didn't have many hobbies and thought it would be fun to blow their stuff up good in 1981. That's what you get for being communists or for considering being communists. Apparently it worked, because if it hadn't, we'd all be speaking Russian by now (Author's Note: Trust me, I know how international affairs work). In 1990 Nicaragua elected Violeta Chamorro to the presidency, becoming only the second country in the world to elect a female president, after Iceland, which doesn't count.

During her presidency, Violeta Chamorro confounded all expectations by not starting a war every month when she was on her period. It's almost as if that's a stupid argument and not even really a funny joke. Why did I write it here if it's not funny, you ask? Touche.