Armenia

Situated deep within the Caucasus Mountains in some ill-defined portion of Eurasia, Armenia is best-known for how much Turkish people fucking hate it. In the words of a Turkish man who I just made up, "I fucking hate Armenia so much." The chief exports of Armenia are surliness and those too-small white cotton towels you find in hotel bathrooms. Because of its crucial strategic location on the eastern edge of Europe, Armenia is the first line of defense against any kind of Asian Invasion (in which case Turkey will stop talking shit for just about long enough for the Armenians [a diminutive, but merciless people] to save their sorry asses).

There used to be a statue of Stalin here until this bitch kicked his ass out. Their cosmic battle has been documented in the little-known Armenian action thriller "The Sword and the 'Stache."