Brazil

Brazil is the largest country in South America and the only one in which Portuguese is the national language (you think that makes you special, don't you Brazil? Piss off). The capital is Brasilia, which is bullshit because São Paulo and Rio de Janeiro are the only Brazilian cities I've got any time for (although I find that Belém really hits the spot every once in awhile). Brazil is home to the vast majority of the Amazon Rainforest, which Brazilians apparently consider to be a dubious distinction because they can't seem to chop that shit down fast enough. They're all "Oh, what's that? A rare and beautiful species of bird not found anywhere else in the world? Fuck off, we're putting a Safeway here." Since Brazilians are basically nutty about being Catholic, they built a 130-foot tall concrete Jesus in Rio de Janeiro back in 1931, the theory being that during the end times, 130-foot Jesus will come to life and stomp Rio's ass like a holy concrete Godzilla.

"Watch your ass, Brazil"
~ 1st Corinthians, 2:7