Canada

Canada is an enormous country where practically no one wants to live. The Canadian population can be most easily broken down into three demographics: French people, drunks, and adorable woodland critters. Between hockey, Canadian football and the Toronto Blue Jays, being a sports fan in Canada is basically the saddest thing that anyone can ever do (being a sports fan in Canada while having a terminal illness is referred to by most sadness experts as "the bifecta"). Famous Canadians include Neil Young, Sasquatch and the band Rush. The Canadian flag, a red maple leaf on a white field, bracketed by two red stripes, is heavily symbolic. The white represents the type of bread to which Canadians can be most easily compared. The red represents apparently not knowing what color a damn maple leaf is. Most Canadians still think the Queen of England is hot shit.

Canadian football: Basically the saddest thing.