Colombia

A mountainous nation in South America, Colombia is most famous for its fleece jackets and basketball shorts and such. If you're looking to score some cocaine, Colombia is pretty much the place. The capital, Bogota, is the third-highest capital city on the planet, but like, the altitude kind and not the bloodshot-eyes-and-grindy-teeth kind. Colombia used to be merged with Panama under the name "New Granada," but then the good old USA came along and totally wrecked that relationship. Because of its unique position straddling the isthmus of Panama, Colombia was also one of the few countries for whom the Panama Canal did absolutely nothing whatsoever. Both of these contributed to the selection in 1925 of the current Colombian national motto: "Teddy Roosevelt: Fuck that guy."

"Colombia" comes from an antiquated Spanish term translating roughly to "She who kisses Panama in an inappropriate way."