Chile

Chile (NOT pronounced the same as chili, you stupid shit) is a South American country that only exists because the Argentinians were too goddamn lazy to bother crossing the Andes. Despite the fact that Chile is only about forty feet east-west at its widest points and its residents walk around watching their feet all the time as they live in constant danger of falling into the Pacific Ocean, Chile is actually one of the best places in South America to live. This is mainly due to the fact that the average citizen is unlikely to have a drug lord (Author's Note: I believe they prefer the term "extralegal pharmaceutical entrepreneur") arbitrarily murder them out of sheer boredom. This is, however, still a relatively novel concept for Chileans, because up until 1990 the country was run by a dictator who did practically nothing but arbitrarily murder people out of sheer boredom.

Augusto Pinochet: Former president/albino douchebag.