England

Located on a small island off the coast of the European mainland, England is best-known for having been total assholes to the entire world for about 500 solid years. Most of them are still proud of it, too. The English, some 50 million pale motherfuckers who aren't, on the whole, nearly as attractive as Hugh Grant, are world-renowned for their goofy state customs and their excellent radio voices. Despite being a fairly small country, England is home to a vast range of dialects; anywhere between clipped, prissy upper class twat and incomprehensible, mongoloid lower class twat. The capital is London, which is where Didier Drogba lives.

You're goddamn right I live in London.