Finland

Finland is a frozen Scandinavian wasteland inhabited by a sturdy and cultureless people composed of equal parts old leather and solid granite. Finns enjoy ice hockey and soccer, in addition to a competitive sport they've invented in which the only objective is to find someplace to live that has a shittier climate than Finland (so far, no one has won). The Finnish are credited with the invention of the Molotov cocktail, an implement which revolutionized the world of setting other people on fire. The capital is Helsinki and the national motto is "Oh fuck it's cold."

Finland's contributions to the death metal genre have gained it the widespread admiration of socially awkward white men who own one or more T-shirts with a picture of a dragon on the front.